If I see myself as a burden, I probably won’t talk to you.  When I see you, I’ll most likely think “oh, they must have so many interesting and fun people around them — they don’t need me taking up more space in their life.”  To make sure I don’t bother you, I’ll avoid [...]

Well, as advertisers are helpfully reminding us, Valentine’s Day is just around the corner.  For me, as for many other people, this can be a time of irritation.
This isn’t because I’m what our culture calls a “single guy.”  I enjoy that, actually.  It’s because this is the time of year when I get to hear [...]

I think that, to some degree, we all have a love/hate relationship with being seen — with letting another person see all the parts that make up who we are, whether it’s our joy, anger, grief, ambition, or something else.
On the downside, if we show the other person parts we usually keep hidden, and they [...]

I have to admit, I cringe a little when I see personal development products offering us the ability to “make” others do what we want.  Whether it’s books about “making her attracted to you” or “getting him to commit,” CDs on “making your audience applaud” or seminars on “getting customers to close the deal,” there’s [...]

My last post was about empathic reflection—the practice of reflecting back the desires and emotions of the person you’re listening to.  While this may sound simple, it’s trickier than it sounds.  When an interaction starts to feel emotionally intense, it’s easy to fall back into old, reactive patterns of thinking and behaving.  If someone is [...]

Both in and outside my work, I do a lot of listening to people.  This is no accident—it’s actually one of my favorite things to do.  Because of my fascination with the subject, I’ve decided to write a few posts on learning to enjoy listening, and overcoming some of the barriers we often face to [...]

I do a lot of writing and coaching on the issues of finding one’s life purpose and transitioning to a career aligned with that purpose.  I don’t write as often about exploring new ways to experience the career, and the life, one already has, but I think it’s equally important.
I know a number of people who have [...]

A friend recently admitted that she feels guilty when she talks to me, because it seems like she’s always “unloading her problems” onto me.  It’s true that she sometimes tells me about the obstacles and anxieties in her life.  But I’ve never felt “burdened” or “unloaded on” when she tells me what’s going on for [...]

I have a simple question for you.  Are you involved in your current career, relationship, and other activities because you actually find them fulfilling?  Or is it because you think they’re the best way to avoid others’ disapproval?
Unfortunately, for many people, the answer seems to be the latter.  Many of us picked our career paths [...]

People sometimes observe that I form emotional connections quickly with the people I meet, and that I tend to make friends and build relationships with people after just a brief conversation.  Occasionally, people ask how I do this.  They wonder if it’s the specific words I use, my tone of voice, or the way I [...]