I eventually recognized I had to cross at least one or two items off my agenda. I’d been working on my show, doing solo law work, going to grad school at night, and organizing events for my men’s organization, and I started to notice I was spending a lot of my non-music-oriented time wishing I were working on music.
At a deeper level, I saw that, if I was going to be honest with myself, I had to admit I didn’t like the notion of choosing a path in life. I was “keeping my options open” because I loved the exhilarating feeling of contemplating my limitless potential (a/k/a not growing up).
And Now, Ironically, For Some Psychology
On the “psychology tip,” I think Jung would have called the part of me that wanted to simultaneously pursue everything the puer aeternus, which is a fancy Latin term for “eternal boy.” The eternal boy, like Peter Pan, wants to stay constantly in flight, never settling for too long on any perch.
On the surface, the eternal boy part of me might seem like a liability — after all, if I keep chasing every new idea that strikes my fancy, aren’t I likely to end up regretting, thirty years later, that I didn’t pursue one thing hard enough to really make a go of it?
But if we look deeper, there are amazing things about that Peter Pan energy. The eternal boy is the source of my creativity — he thrills in flitting around between ideas and finding cool ways to put them together.
This Might Actually Help Me “Not Grow Up”
What I realized, when I thought about it, was that being clearer about my path can actually serve the eternal boy. After all, the eternal boy doesn’t thrive under lots of structure — he doesn’t like anybody plotting his flight path — and dropping some of my recurring to-dos fed his need for freedom.
The creative part, I think, needs time to forget about time — to let go of the linear and the predictable (the “grown up”), and play around with possibilities. With a schedule that’s too full, that doesn’t work so well.
The challenge for me now will be to let go, during the time I’ve gifted to myself, and really allow the eternal boy to play, rather than fretting that I should be doing chores or something else more “responsible.”
Seeing how much fun I’ve been having creatively over the past few years, I think I can handle it.
|Steve's Quest, the animated musical comedy, is coming soon. To stay updated, sign up via the show's Facebook page or follow the creator on Twitter.|