Long Live Peter Pan
Friday, January 25th, 2013
I left my psychology graduate program a little over a week ago. It was a decision I’d agonized over for months, mostly because of how much I care about and enjoy my fellow students.
I eventually recognized I had to cross at least one or two items off my agenda. I’d been working on my show, doing solo law work, going to grad school at night, and organizing events for my men’s organization, and I started to notice I was spending a lot of my non-music-oriented time wishing I were working on music.
At a deeper level, I saw that, if I was going to be honest with myself, I had to admit I didn’t like the notion of choosing a path in life. I was “keeping my options open” because I loved the exhilarating feeling of contemplating my limitless potential (a/k/a not growing up).
And Now, Ironically, For Some Psychology
On the “psychology tip,” I think Jung would have called the part of me that wanted to simultaneously pursue everything the puer aeternus, which is a fancy Latin term for “eternal boy.” The eternal boy, like Peter Pan, wants to stay constantly in flight, never settling for too long on any perch.
On the surface, the eternal boy part of me might seem like a liability — after all, if I keep chasing every new idea that strikes my fancy, aren’t I likely to end up regretting, thirty years later, that I didn’t pursue one thing hard enough to really make a go of it?
But if we look deeper, there are amazing things about that Peter Pan energy. The eternal boy is the source of my creativity — he thrills in flitting around between ideas and finding cool ways to put them together.
This Might Actually Help Me “Not Grow Up”
What I realized, when I thought about it, was that being clearer about my path can actually serve the eternal boy. After all, the eternal boy doesn’t thrive under lots of structure — he doesn’t like anybody plotting his flight path — and dropping some of my recurring to-dos fed his need for freedom.
The creative part, I think, needs time to forget about time — to let go of the linear and the predictable (the “grown up”), and play around with possibilities. With a schedule that’s too full, that doesn’t work so well.
The challenge for me now will be to let go, during the time I’ve gifted to myself, and really allow the eternal boy to play, rather than fretting that I should be doing chores or something else more “responsible.”
Seeing how much fun I’ve been having creatively over the past few years, I think I can handle it.
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January 25th, 2013 at 11:40 pm
Wow, Chris, I had no idea you were doing so many things at once! (Though somehow it didn’t feel like a huge surprise either.)
I think my eternal boy is very much alive as well. There are simply so many interesting things to learn and play around with!
January 27th, 2013 at 3:04 pm
Your posts are always so wise and insightful! Definitely something to be said for honouring the eternal boy and not spreading yourself too thin… Wish you much creative energy
January 27th, 2013 at 3:14 pm
Excellent Chris (Hillman is especially prejudiced against the puer aeternus.)
I think I was way too old when I was younger. I want to keep the ability to stay fresh and start again (without denying that I am aging and past choices do lead to constraints).
I hope to die immature.
January 27th, 2013 at 6:12 pm
I am right there with you. Does that make me Tinkerbell? But really, I get it. There comes a point in life (and in my life, it is now) that doing a bunch of things because I can leads nowhere. I’m glad to be at a time in my life where I no longer take time for granted. I must feed my inner girl and listen to what she has been telling me, what she has always known. Thank you for this post.
January 27th, 2013 at 10:38 pm
Hi Kelvin — yeah, it sounds like you are definitely giving yourself permission to play and I’m glad we get to peek in on it.
January 27th, 2013 at 10:44 pm
Hi Alarna — thanks for the creativity wishes — I’m hoping to return the favor soon with the first episode of my show, which we’re soon going to finish animating.
January 27th, 2013 at 10:47 pm
Hi Evan — it sounds like you’ve been giving yourself more permission to explore possibilities — I can definitely relate to that, as I used to be in a mode of avoiding any activity that I wouldn’t do really well and receive praise for doing. If giving ourselves that permission is immature, I want less maturity too.
January 27th, 2013 at 10:57 pm
Hi Angie — that definitely feels powerful and decisive to me when you say “in my life, it is now” — I can relate when you say it’s pleasing to you to be in a place where you are using your time consciously, because for me it is also a lot more pleasant to live my life when I have a clear purpose in mind.
January 28th, 2013 at 11:32 pm
Hi Chris.
It really is important to find a balance between work and play, and to give yourself permission to flit around a little too… you know, stretch your wings. I had no idea you had been so busy and give you credit for dedicating time to your blog in addition to everything else. It does come down to priorities we set for ourselves. And every once in a while, it’s time to take stock of where we’re at and make a few changes. You’re being smart… and you dun gone and got all growed up
January 29th, 2013 at 2:10 pm
Hey I really like Peter Pan! But I do agree that balance between work and play is very necessary for a life of good health. Scheduled play time for adults is always good.
January 29th, 2013 at 8:07 pm
I am truly enjoying saying NO these days – it has been very empowering and freeing. I know how music can draw one in and cause an explosion of creativity. I have known the “good girl” role for so long, it is wonderful to just keep trying on new things…
…then again my goal is to be recognized for my abilities and I can honestly say I have not received enough recognition or encouragement to feel full – yet.
I am working this year on being my own best friend and getting back to liking myself and not just working for others….ah the joy of unemployment and the new feelings of time…
I do have to caution myself about getting too busy…I want to approach at MY best speed limit and then abandonment!
I have been reading lots of psychology books lately – for free and learning lots of things without wanting to prove myself to any one else. Folks will find me…I am feeling positive about that.
Good words found here…looking forward to the Quest.
January 30th, 2013 at 3:21 pm
Don’t take this the wrong way, but I sense in your words a feeling that you see your current creative activities and energies as somewhat flighty compared to your graduate program.
If this is the case, I don’t agree. I watched the work you’ve done and the excitement in your writings about it. I don’t think you are the “eternal boy;” I think you’ve just discovered a new vocation and now it’s time to nurture it. You need to put your energies where you heart is. Go for it and don’t spend time looking back:~)
January 30th, 2013 at 7:29 pm
Hi Davina — yes, fitting the blog in did become a challenge, but like you say it always seems possible to fit something in if I care enough about it. I do want to do a lot more reaching out to other bloggers, and now I’m grateful that I have some more time to do that.
January 30th, 2013 at 7:31 pm
Hi Kim — yes, I’m a Peter Pan fan as well. I actually think I’m bringing that energy more fully into my life than I have before, as more of my “work time” transforms into “play time,” and eventually, ideally, the distinction between the two will vanish.
January 30th, 2013 at 7:33 pm
Hi Patricia — I like the strength in your admission that you would like more recognition — I think it takes courage to proclaim that. And, it sounds like you may be taking more joy in the process of what you’re doing than maybe you used to, as well as in the praise you get for it.
January 30th, 2013 at 7:34 pm
Hi Sara — yes, I can see a tendency in myself to dismiss things I do that don’t operate on someone else’s timetable as “irresponsible” or “immature,” and I think I’m moving closer to the ideal of just being able to do what I want without those labels.
January 31st, 2013 at 3:45 am
You only live once so keep Peter Pan alive and enjoy the creativity he brings
January 31st, 2013 at 6:16 am
Great posts! I, too, have walked the transformative journey of graduate school. I can’t wait to go for my Doctorate. I want to study at Pacifica through their limited residency program, the degree is in Depth Psychology. It takes 3-4 years…
January 31st, 2013 at 2:44 pm
Hi Chris,
Sounds like you are very busy, and I know that there is a tipping point where you realize that you cannot do it all. So great that you are listening to yourself and following your dream. As they say, life is short, so do what you love. All the best.
February 1st, 2013 at 10:07 am
Freedom within structure, I believe Maria Montessori passed on as part of her amazing legacy. But methinks even she would’ve rolled her eyes at me (even if only internally on her part,) taken deep breaths and asked me to come sit by the bells with her or paint a pretty picture.
~~ signed, the eternal girl
February 1st, 2013 at 11:30 am
Hi Carolyn — yes, only living once is definitely something I’ve been very conscious of recently and I hope to put out into the world all of the creative work I am capable of.
February 1st, 2013 at 11:31 am
Hi Lorrie — sounds great. I know a few people who went to Pacifica and they were very happy with the program. When do you start?
February 1st, 2013 at 11:32 am
Hi Cathy, thanks for the encouragement and I look forward to sharing the fruits of my labors with you soon (ideally early this month).
February 1st, 2013 at 11:33 am
Hi Jannie — I’m glad to know that Maria would have been tactful enough to roll her eyes internally rather than externally. Was your education influenced by her legacy?
February 1st, 2013 at 11:47 am
What a great time for me to read this post (though I am clearly late to the party).
I want to say a resounding ME TOO! In fact, I wrote about this in today’s post, though I didn’t think about quite this way until just now, reading your thoughts. I don’t necessarily want to slow down (like you, I thrive on a certain slightly frenetic pace), but I want to infuse more play into all the things I do.
I can be Peter Pan with you. On stage, he’s almost always played by girls.
February 1st, 2013 at 8:14 pm
I left my PhD program, too. Like you, my eternal child played a part in my decision. I found that I was having a hard time completing my papers and my reading assignments…mostly because I felt like I was fighting an uphill battle against the eternal child, who simply refused to co-operate with me, almost as if saying “I don’t want to do this work, and you can’t make me!” lol. Anyway, I had many reasons for leaving, that was just a small part of it. Ultimately, though, I believe that leaving was the right decision. Even though I miss my classmates, I feel an abundance of peace and serenity in my life now that was missing while I was in school. I’ve been enjoying studying things on my own time, and following my heart as to what I write, and what I read. At least in this situation, recognizing and listening to my eternal child has led me to greater growth and development.
February 2nd, 2013 at 5:07 pm
Best of luck finding that balance.
It’s good to scale back schedules and have play time. I don’t know why recess went away as we grew older. We need unstructured time as adults even more than we did as kids. 
February 4th, 2013 at 9:23 am
Glad you were able to prioritize and make that tough decision. I can relate to how you said, “I was spending a lot of my non-music-oriented time wishing I were working on music.” That’s how I feel about writing. I can get tons of stuff done each day, but if it doesn’t include writing, I feel like I haven’t done a thing.
Thanks for stopping by my blog. It’s nice to meet you =)
I hope your creativity soars with the extra time you’ve freed up for yourself.
February 4th, 2013 at 5:50 pm
Hi J, ooh, you don’t want to encourage me to cast you in a musical — I might just take you up on that, since that’s what a lot of my life is about these days. Or maybe you would enjoy that! But more generally I’m glad you’re finding more opportunities to play.
February 4th, 2013 at 5:51 pm
Hi Jay, I’m glad to hear that you found serenity when you made your decision — it sounds like that eternal boy part of you had a message worth listening to.
February 5th, 2013 at 11:30 am
I wish you luck in finding the balance!
February 5th, 2013 at 9:23 pm
Hi Kourtney — yes, I definitely need my unstructured time — and I literally need it because I can’t compose music otherwise — although sometimes I have trouble staying conscious of this and make it into a guilt trip.
February 5th, 2013 at 9:24 pm
Hi Ruth — I imagine that’s an incentive to write, feeling like you haven’t done anything if you haven’t written during the day — and I hope you are compassionate with yourself on the days when you’re running lots of errands or something like that as well.
February 6th, 2013 at 7:23 pm
Hi Gina — thanks — I hope to eventually get to the point where my life is not a matter of balancing “me” against “them” at all, but simply a matter of doing what I want (whether that involves taking care of someone I have chosen to take care of, working on my writing projects, etc.).
February 6th, 2013 at 8:44 pm
I love the idea of using your Peter Pan energy in such creative and purposeful ways. I’ve spent the last five years giving my Peter Pan side full rein – and it’s been a wonderful time in my life. I find myself longing to settle in some ways – but fearful of letting go of that free spirit side.
February 8th, 2013 at 8:03 pm
Hi Sally — I’m glad to hear that you’ve enjoyed exploring your Peter Pan energy. It sounds like you’re concerned that “putting down roots” may hamper your creativity — now that I think about it, I’ve probably had that anxiety myself as well. One interesting thing I’ve found is that choosing a particular path, as opposed to loading up on a lot of different pursuits (and obligations), has actually done great things for my creative output.
February 16th, 2013 at 1:57 pm
Chris–your comment on my blog about seeing zombies blew me away–is that a hip term anymore? Thank you so much for finding me and stopping by. I was looking around here and stopped at the Peter Pan post because of the statue. I’m quite sure that the same artist did a bronze statue for our town here in Georgia.
Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. As someone old enough to be your grandmother, mother, older sister, I hate to see you give up grad school because working on my doctorate was the must fun educationally I ever had. Take a quarter off and go back–there’s always time to play.
February 19th, 2013 at 12:02 pm
Chris, this was a great post. I’ve been in a similar situation and eventually I came to the conclusion that something had to give. Your insight on your process and what it all means has been helpful. I think that I was feeling as though I should have been able to do all the things I was doing, and I felt bad that I couldn’t. But now I see that often we push ourselves afraid to fail, when actually saying no to such behaviour is the wiser choice. I realise that a lot of artists are very busy and don’t give themselves enough time to create. I now think that what you (and I) have done is brave. Thanks
February 20th, 2013 at 4:33 pm
Hey Chris,
Finding balance in life doesn’t come easily to me either…
Great post, you made me think (again) about this whole idea and what more I can do to address my own imbalance!