How To Want Less Stuff
Sunday, May 17th, 2009In these economic times, cutting spending on creature comforts, and getting rid of unnecessary stuff, have become high priorities for many of us. With this in mind, many of us have been reading up on techniques for writing eBay listings, holding garage sales, decluttering our living spaces, and so on.
While these techniques are useful, few of them address the real reason we find ourselves looking to unload our stuff: our gnawing hunger for possessions. We bought all these things—whether they’re plasma TVs, lettuce dryers, robot vacuum cleaners, or something else—because of this craving, and unless we do something to dissolve our stuff-hunger we may have trouble staying frugal.
In this post, I’ll offer a simple three-step process for getting to the root cause of, and overcoming, our stuff addiction. My goal is not just to help people want less stuff, but also to show how spiritual practices like meditation and self-awareness can have important practical uses in our lives.
Step 1: Get Familiar With Your Hunger
The next time you feel a burning desire to buy something, pause for a few moments and notice how that desire manifests in your mind and body.
In other words, ask yourself questions like these: What do you find yourself thinking when you’ve “got to have” that car, sofa, pair of jeans, or whatever it is you normally crave? Are you dreaming about how others will compliment you on your new chair, how people will admire the way you look in those pants, or something else?
What sensations come up in your body—is there an ache, tension, heat, or some other discomfort? Perhaps the desire feels like a gaping hole inside that you need to fill with some new possession. If so, where is the hole? How big is it?
As you start getting familiar with how you experience your craving, you may notice it beginning to feel more comfortable and manageable. The more deeply you understand your hunger for stuff, I think you’ll find, the less power it will have over you. As Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj said, “you cannot transcend what you do not know. To go beyond yourself, you must know yourself.”
Step 2: Burn In The Urge
Once you’ve got some idea of the contours of your craving, the next step is to spend a little while simply allowing that desire to be. Don’t buy the item or turn your attention to anything else—stay where you are, and fully experience your need for the thing. No matter how intense or painful that need seems, keep breathing, relax your body, and allow the craving to persist until it passes away.
I think you’ll discover that allowing your desire to be, without doing anything about it, can’t hurt you. And when you let yourself fully experience that yearning, it actually passes away quickly—much like any other thought or feeling.
In the past, to avoid the discomfort of that unmet need, you may have been in the habit of immediately reaching for your credit card. But when you understand that you’re strong enough to experience your stuff-hunger without doing anything about it, you’ll find yourself giving into that urge less and less often.
Step 3: Notice That The Hunger Is Insatiable
Another useful technique is to reflect on your life, and recall moments when you’ve let your urge to acquire stuff pull your strings. Each time, you may have expected the things you bought to make you happier, or fill a hole within you. And perhaps you got a short-term high from your purchase. But did you get any lasting fulfillment out of it?
If you take an honest look at all your past acquisitions, I think you’ll find that the answer is no. While getting more stuff may have temporarily “taken the edge off,” in the end it only saddled you with more things to maintain and eventually sell or give away.
I’m reminded of this every time I pass by my neighbors’ yard. For what seems like years, they’ve been landscaping and remodeling their home, and at least three construction vehicles have been on their property at any given time. You’d think my neighbors would eventually be pleased with the results, but each time I talk to them all I hear about is their frustration with their gardener or architect.
If you repeat the simple process I’ve described each time you find yourself consumed by the urge to buy something, I think you’ll quickly begin to see some changes. You’ll feel more in control of your stuff craving, and become able to simply let it flow through you and pass away.
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May 17th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
This is really good. The breathing part inparticularly. I began desiring less a year ago. Last October I decided I have enough clothing and didn’t need to buy more. I decided I’d revisit this in a year. I don’t even miss shopping anymore. No need to go to a mall or store. What freedom. Clothes that was my big issue.
May 17th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Thanks Tess. I’m glad you found some freedom around shopping — I know a lot of people who would love to develop that. I did the same when it comes to buying books and CDs on Amazon and I definitely know how liberating it is.
May 17th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Chris, you are one of the few who is actually focused on the right thing. Thank you,
~Duff
May 17th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Hi Duff — thanks for the appreciation. Best, Chris
May 18th, 2009 at 6:50 am
Thoughtful post, Chris.
After downsizing, I realized how much stuff I had and how easy it was to accumulate. I realize now that I can like something and leave it in the store; I don’t have to buy everything I like. Your point about wanting stuff is insatiable – so true.
May 18th, 2009 at 8:36 am
Thanks Laurie — I’m glad you had that realization. I imagine it creates quite a sense of freedom to be able to feel the urge to buy something without giving into it.
May 18th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
Hi Chris,
I’ve been downsizing for some time now and really think before I buy something. Now what I will do is carry it with me as I’m shopping and right before I go to the check out, I ask myself if I really need it. If it’s something for the house, I ask if I have a spot for it.
More times than naught, I leave the store empty handed.
I’ve also learned to keep my receipts. Often I would buy something and when I got it home, it didn’t look good enough, didn’t match, or whatever. In that case, I’ll make a return trip and get my money back.
May 18th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
I find that having the understanding that nothing is permanent helps quell my cravings. I don’t like to accumulate too much stuff myself. They occupy more space in my mind. I’ve learned to make do with less.
May 18th, 2009 at 7:16 pm
Thanks Barbara — I like that process of checking in with yourself as you’re about to leave the store to find out what’s really important to you. I’ll bet that’s something we could all stand to do more often in every area of our lives.
May 18th, 2009 at 7:20 pm
Hi Evelyn — thanks for that perspective — I think that’s a particularly useful way to look at items like clothes that will wear out, or we’ll lose our desire to wear them, quickly. And as with what Barbara said, that seems like a great perspective to apply to every area of our lives. I know that, for me, I might not find myself staying inside and working singlemindedly as often if I kept that in mind.